OK

Here is how it goes:

I am a Cockney Bitch and also Don Carbonara.

Rosie is a Cockney Pimp and Don Tagliatele.

Aimee is a Cockney Ragamuffin from the streets of Kentish Town, and also runs the Triads.

Adam is a camp hairdresser called Isaac who is a general Mafia bitch and also may be dying of Plymouth Disease.

And... I wasn't at school today. I was savaged by a rabid cat.

The sad truth is that I am only half joking.